By: hallie

hallie — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 15:55:12 +0000

Thankyou so much for your post. You gave me the corage to tell my sister the other night when I was watching her for my parents. I asked her,
” Why do you think I don’t come around all that often?”
“Becuase you’re busy with work?”
“No dear”
“Becuase you’re busy with school?”
“No dear”
“Becuase you’re busy with your firends?”
“No dear”
” Beacause you’re busy with your boyfriend?”
“No dear, while I am busy with all those things, none of them are the reason I don’t come around much, I love you too much for those to be the reasons. The reasong is that I’m sick, I’m not going to die or anything, I just can’t control my emotions. Sometimes I cry for no reason, get angry for no reason, get excited for no reason or get quiet for no reason. It’s so unpredictable that I didn’t want you to see me like that. But I love you so much, you mean so much to me, and you’re older now so I thought I should explane it to you.”
“Oh, okay.” Was all she said. But if felt like a huge rock had been lifted off mys sholders and I owe it all to you. Thanks so much for your comment, without it I would not have been able to tell her for a few more years but you made me realise that she’s living, learning, loving and understanding the world now and that if I want to be a part of that, I have to let her know now.
I wish you all the luck in the world with your duaghter. I’m sure she will understand when she’s older. You gave me the corage I needed when I had rationalized it away, I owe you one. Be kind to yourself and I will be thinking of you.

By: Donna Gayford aka Tall_Jan

Donna Gayford aka Tall_Jan — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 02:55:51 +0000

I made a decision like that with my daughter when she was 4. I was very ill at the time and she was staying with a couple who couldnt have children. After a couple of years of visiting her and still not knowing what was wrong with me and knowing i nwas unable to care for her, i let the couple adopt her. It was an open adoption. I used to visit her but felt like a failure and she would be unsettled so i stepped back and loved her from afar. All these years i have done so. She has just turned 15. She doesnt want anything to do with me bgecause she has trouble understanding why and how i could just go away and i mustn’t have loved her, so now i will have to wait until shes an adult and probably till she becomes mum herself till i can have t6hat relationship i have wanted all along but i made the decision because i thought i was doing the right thing for her. On the other hand I have had a lot to do with my younger nieces from when they were very young and the eldest who is 8now and the younger one is 4. I have been around them when i have been in all sorts of conditions. i have come in and dossed at my sisters place plenty of times, been over when ill and swinging left and right up and down, been there with short fuses. but you know what Ebony tells me i am her favorite Auntie, why? because i have a good hyeart and i love her and she knows that. She knows i have a problem with my brain that sometimes makes me act funny qand be confused. she understands i have to take lots of tablets for my brain. After all my crankyness, frightenedness of the kids after the stuff with my daughter after numerous hospital stays and rehab visits (dont get me wrong the kids are protected) THOSE GIRLS LOVE ME TO NO END. Kids love their family to no end and their siblings. See your sister hey, dont be scared of her or worry about having an episode to much hey. If she knows you have a illness that you cant help she will understand. ive seen it with my nieces. im sooooo damn sure of this one that she would love to see you and spend time with you no matter what state your in. Having you in her life is better than not having you at all hey.
i really hope i have helped a little in the way you feel. Have the courage my dear and don’t be so hard on yourself. Be Kind to yourself. I will be thinking of you

Comments on: My sister

By: hallie

By: Donna Gayford aka Tall_Jan